I have been sitting at my parent’s kitchen table, for over an hour, attempting to figure out how to address why I’ve been gone for over 2 years. I didn’t think it would be this hard to get back into the groove of blogging, but here I am unsure of what to say.
I remember starting Twenty Talk because I felt lost and confused on what to do with my life and where I was headed. I thought sharing my thoughts and feelings would not only give people, who could relate, a sense of community but also help me navigate the quarter life crisis I was experiencing. Writing on this blog did just that.
I was able to connect with other people that were feeling the same way I did, even when I shared some really vulnerable (and sometimes embarrassing) feelings I was going through at the time. I had an outlet. I was able to create a small community that helped me feel like everything I was experiencing was normal.
When it eventually came time for me graduate, I thought my life would finally begin to take shape and my path would start to carve itself out all on its own. I did have a degree after all right? Life was supposed to get much easier now. It did…for a short while.
After graduating, I went on to get my first “big girl” 9-5 job (not in my major of course) and moved out of my parents house. I felt like I was finally doing things right and living the life I was meant to live. I felt like a real, properly functioning, adult.
My new “adult” life was everything I thought it’d be until those feelings of misplacement and confusion began to creep back. Although I was following what I thought was the “right course”, I was unhappy. Everything started to slowly unravel. I found myself feeling stagnant at my new job, and my living situation began to fall apart. These things combined led me to make the decision to quit my job and move back home.
Before deciding to leave my job, I realized I wanted to pursue my creative passions and enrolled in a film program at the community college by my parent’s house. This pretty much sums up where I am today.
I think the reason why I struggled with writing my first post back is because, in a way, I feel like I’m stuck in the same position as that 22 year old girl who first started this blog; lost, confused, and no idea where my life is headed.
Although I have more life experience now, I find myself feeling ashamed or embarrassed that I’m not as far ahead in my career, finances, or living situation as some of the people around me. I am 25, and once again a confused college student.
I felt like I decided to embark on a path of uncertainty by deciding to drop everything and go back to school. I didn’t want to share my experiences until I was sure I would be successful. Sitting at my parent’s kitchen table, facing my anxiety surrounding blogging again, helped me realize as I continue on this path of uncertainty it’s important that I continue to share both the highs and lows that come with it.