You know those relationships that end because the same fight continues to happen over and over again? I was in one of those. We constantly argued, because I felt as if I was putting in far too much effort. Whenever it came time to initiate any kind of interaction, I was always the one to do it. I eventually came to a point where I was tired of feeling like I was reaching out to someone who couldn’t even give me the time of day. If the person on the receiving end of your effort isn’t willing to fight for whatever type of relationship you have, in the end it isn’t worth the exhaustion on your part. It took me some time to realize it, but a few things became crystal clear after I ended things.
People make time for who and what they want
Anyone who knows me well knows that I’m not keen on reaching out to people. At one point in my life, I had horrible social anxiety which made it difficult for me to even communicate with people. I found that when I avoided speaking to people (specifically the ones I was romantically interested in), I lost out on a lot of opportunities. I never even gave myself a shot with them, because I was too afraid to speak up. After realizing this, and getting sick of being passed over, I forced myself to get out of my comfort zone to talk to people I liked. Was I scared out of my mind when doing so? Yes, but I knew I was taking a risk for something I wanted. This story was only told to illustrate the point that when people want to do something or speak to someone, they will make time to do so. If a person you’re investing your time and energy into isn’t reciprocating your efforts, they may not want the relationship as much as you do.
Passing over the issues doesn’t make them disappear
Like I mentioned earlier, my partner and I would run around in circles having the same conversations over and over again about the issue at hand. Eventually, we just started avoiding it. Did avoiding the situation make it any better? Not at all. It only prolonged an ending we both saw coming, but didn’t want to admit. If there is one issue that isn’t getting resolved between you and your partner, don’t simply overlook it. Overlooking problems and conflicts doesn’t make them go away, it only worsens them. Find alternative ways to resolve your issues, and if you can’t, it may just be time to end things.
Is this person willing to fight for you?
Of course, not physically fight, but emotionally. Is this person willing to work on the issues you have together so that you can build a stronger relationship? It’s not only important to ask yourself this question about your partner, but also yourself. Are you willing to fight for them? In my case, I was and my partner was not. It’s not the end of the world if one partner’s answer is no, however, it is a time to reevaluate. I like to think of everything as an investment. Is this relationship benefiting me? Or, will it ultimately be detrimental to my self-growth and esteem? If the cons outweigh the pros, then is it even worth the emotional risk?