Settling And Why You Shouldn’t

“She has the audacity to act like the queen she is.”

I’ve been called a prude, stuck up, high maintence, and any other term you could possibly think of because I choose to stick to my standards. I read this quote and it made me think about every time I’ve lowered my standards in order to date someone I was interested in. In high school, I remember being told that dating in college would be better because, the guys would be more mature and not be as driven by physical desires. Boy, was that wrong. I found that when I dated in guys in college, they were pretty much the same as guys in high school, just a tad bit older.

Often, first dates would go nowhere because the guys I dated were very expectant. For every small, somewhat, chivalrous act they did, they immediately expected me to eagerly hurry back to their dorms or apartments with them. Ironically, the more I found myself sticking to my standards the more unsuccessful my dating life became. Because of this, I began lowering my standards or accomdating them to fit whoever I was dating at the time. Although my relationships with those who met my “new and improved”standards lasted longer, I was still unhappy. The people I found myself dating weren’t aligned with what I truly wanted from a relationship, which essientially made us doomed from the start. As young people, we can feel pressured to settle or lower our standards when dating for a number of reasons. Before even considering throwing out our standards, it’s important to realize a few things first.

Sticking to your standards does not make you a prude, high maintence, etc.  

I cared way too much about what people thought about me. I was being told by friends, the guys I dated, and other people that I should lower my standards so that my options could be more open. I did this, and was still unhappy. Sometimes we get caught up believing that  we need to be in a relationship to be happy, so we begin to settle. The truth of the matter is, a realtionship does not guarantee happiness. I had to take a step back and look at the conditions of the love lives of those that were telling me to lower my standards. They were all in unsatisfied relationships because they chose to settle. Sticking to your standards ends up being worth it in the long run because you can end up finding the person that’s best for you.

Being single doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world 

As I mentioned earlier, we can get so caught up in the idea that we have to be in a realtionship or have a significant other in order to be happy, when in fact, we don’t. It is nice to have someone to go out with and be affectionate with, but if we’re choosing to do so with someone we’re settling with, is it worth the time and emotional investment? Rather than wallowing in the percieved sarrow of being single, why not learn to make the most of it? Get to know yourself better and grow personally so that when someone who meets your standards comes along, you’re ready fot them as well.

Have the audacity to act like the queen (or king) you are 

I knew my standards weren’t unrealistic. I wanted to be respected, valued, and have trust with the person I was dating. We all deserve the basics that push towards building a healthy relationship, anyone who denies you less than, doesn’t deserve you. Plain and simple.

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