I’m taking a winter course, and yesterday in class we got on the topic of relationships. One student shared a story, which by the way sounded like it came from a Nicholas Sparks novel, about how his parents met.
His mother was studying abroad when she first met his father in London. They had a whirlwind romance that sadly ended once her program was over. Once her trip came to an end, she returned home, to the U.S., and they kept in contact. After dating long distance, for some time, his father surprised his mother and flew to the U.S. because he could no longer stand being so far away from someone whom he loved so much. Needless to say, they’ve been happily married ever since.
After hearing the story one girl commented on how you just don’t hear stories like that nowadays. And the truth is, you really don’t. Granted, that story was one that is probably uncommon for most people, but I mean just hearing old school romance stories in general doesn’t happen (at least for me). I remember thinking that as a twenty-something dating would only get better because we would all be older and more mature (ha!). Dating as a twenty-something comes with its own new rules and boundaries especially with social media mixed into it. Hearing this story and having this conversation made me wonder why it’s so hard to have romance as a twenty-something.
Social media and technology
Social media has undoubtedly changed the dating game for us millennials. We can see anything and everything about a person before even meeting them face to face. We’ve gotten so accustomed to communicating through technology that it makes it difficult to make those same connections in person. I’ve heard so many stories about meeting a person online, then finally meeting them in person and them being completely different from what they portrayed through social media. It’s important to remember that, online, people get to show you what they want you to see.
That one thing…
Like Lauren Hill once reminded us, some people (both guys and girls alike) are solely after the physical part of being in a relationship. I find that some of us twenty-somethings fail to find romance because we’re interested in trying to build relationships with people who don’t want the emotional aspects we can offer, but rather only the physical which brings me to my next point…
Failing to define the relationship
I can recall plenty of occasions where I could have saved a lot of time and frustration if I simply defined a relationship from the beginning. Asking the question of “what are we?” “what are we doing?” can be intimidating, but knowing and accepting that answer will save you a lot of time and possibly heartbreak.
Like I mentioned in my last post, as twenty-somethings, often times we get stuck in bad relationships because of emotional connections and time investments. Evaluating the relationship you’re in and whether or not it’s beneficial for you is something we don’t do often enough.
This isn’t to say that we’re all doomed as twenty-somethings and we’ll never find romance, it’s to help identify some things you may be doing that are putting you in relationships you don’t feel fulfilled in. I’ve definitely fallen victim to some of these points more than once. Nonetheless, our twenties is a time where we can learn and grow from mistakes so that our next romance may be better than the last.